Updated: Jun 7
I would bet at least once per day you have someone in your life asking you what's wrong, or even more specifically, what is wrong with you. Our society is always looking at what is wrong with each other, instead of what is right.
It's no wonder that we internalize this question more than we realize. Every time we see ourselves not measuring up to New York Times Square images we habitually send the question radiating throughout our entire existence.
After having my 2nd daughter it was so hard to see anything right about myself. I didn't need other folks to make me feel like something was wrong with me, because I did such a great job doing that for myself. Losing weight was a dream, but far out of reach.
Today, I’m here to help you understand why you constantly see wrong and understand why it's so damn hard to affirm the right in you.
I know there are some things about yourself and your life that you wish you could change and expand; this is healthy. The emotional-mindset shift occurs when things don't go as planned or as fast as you intended when measuring life up against the New York Times Square images in your mind, that literally only represent 1 second in time. They bother you because as much as you try to speak positively, it's stuck in your subconscious.
The minute you are not:
losing the weight you want,
making the money you want,
attracting the love you want,
or getting any of the results you want...
your positive self-talk turns off and everything that you believe to be wrong with you — all the reasons you can't achieve happiness or success like the folks in the images of your mind, you start back beating yourself up with dis-empowering questions...
What's wrong with me?
Why cant i stop doing this?
Why can’t i change?
This kind of self-talk was a huge conflict in my journey to healing after pregnancy, but eventually I overcame it. Dis-empowering questions are a sure fire way to stay the same. Every time you ask yourself a dis-empowering question you activate experiences that confirm and affirm why you are wrong. Your entire world begins to follow in the footsteps of your emotions and the source of sadness. Your world starts lining up with your belief.
No word comes back void.
All questions get answers.
Dis-empowering questions get answers too.
I had to remind myself of who I am to get to a place of empowerment strength, confidence and power, using little sprinkles of wisdom and hope in areas I felt weak.
When I say there’s nothing wrong with you, it doesn't mean you're done growing and evolving, it means you are in the right place at the right time to create what you want.
Fear shows up in many forms. It's not always a scary feeling, sometimes it looks like anger, sadness, comedy, etc. Postpartum, my fears kept creeping up in the form of anger, moodiness and sometimes excessive sleep.
The what's wrong with me mind set you’re operating from is not going to allow/let you grow until you grasp onto this moment.
This moment, is the one you are in right now. Right now your focus is in this blog, which is discussing everything right with you, hold onto that.
I Found Peace In Knowing This...
Those parts of your personality holding you emotionally hostage with wrongness are all part of the learned behaviors you've picked up on through out your life.
Internal Audit Questions
Where do you think all the stuff you've seen throughout your life gets stored?
Have you ever thought about what your brain does with that information?
When's the last time you conducted an internal audit of yourself, taking a deeper look at what you really believe about you and the world around you?
Most likely, these beliefs you hold come from things you've witnessed and experiences you've had that your mind and soul processed in a certain way.
Your mind and ego are used to working in your favor, at least it believes it is. Your mind and your ego have always been working in your favor to protect you from danger and things that may harm you. The mind and ego flags all things that seem hard or different than what you've come to know and be, as harmful. They are merely doing their job! They don’t recognize or know that you want to change, or that you are judging these parts of you as wrong NOW, because you’ve been putting them into practice for so long.
The ego and mind don’t realize that when you’re trying that new workout, diet, or going new places, that it's because you want to try something different. Ego+mind sees it as a threat against your existence as one whole operating unit. The first time you try to evoke change in an area of your life, the mind and the ego both process it as DANGER AHEAD-ALERT-DANGER AHEAD, because this new you is not aligning with who you've been.
This is what makes it so easy to crawl back into the shell of habit and routine, leading us back down the overwhelmingly emotional road of inadequacy, shame, guilt, & not enoughness.
So, the reason why I say there’s nothing wrong with you, is because this is how your mind and ego are programmed to work. The good news is that they can be re-programmed to dream a new dream and help you build a sacred fortress around the new you.
We'll continue talking about the ego and using it to your advantage in Part II of this blog titled, Give Your Ego A New Job. See you next Sunday!
Quadeera Teart is the Create Abundance & Self-Development Coach teaching women & moms to remember who they are to become strong & confident leaders in our community. "Women are strong, confident, courageous, brave & loving beings...always have been and always will be, sometimes we just need a little reminder." www.QuadeeraTeart.com